POST #30

It has been a roller coaster ride. I want to ask,why me?

I think I lose my balance to life. I wasted so much of my time waiting and hoping. There was even a time that I stop prioritizing my studies just to fix things. I dont study for the final exam, pre finals and even cut classes. I almost regret that part. But God is with me, all the time. HE never left me. I did pass all my subjects.I just thought that I am really better without him. There's still anger but anger will not do anything. It will only consume me. I know time will heal everything. And I'm really hoping that time will come. I don't regret doing the things that made me look crazy like chasing or trying to fix the relationship. BUT I just really hope that he should have told me before that he has someone else so I wont bother him before and not hope for and the pain will not be as hurtful as it is now. For now I really want to release whatever I'm feeling,I want the pain to consume me but not for too long. I really want to cry so hard but I just can't. I dont know what 's with me, too much pain maybe that I end up having a stone heart. I don't like the feeling of being numb,it kills. I just really hope you became visible and let everything to be transparent and you should have not hide everything.I bet he told the girl the words he told me before. I just really wish that the girl wont be fooled if she really dont know anything. I hope you really know how to treat girls,the right way. 

The good thing about what happened is that I learned so many things. I learn to be positive about things that might be impossible and to believe. Though I feel the pain, I know I'm okay. I deserve more because I can give more. That's what on my mind right now. I know the right person will come and won't hurt me with lies. I know he will come and wont let a tear fall from my eyes. When that person come, I won't think twice to bring him home and introduce to my parents(it's not good to introduce someone who will just leave you).

In the end, don't regret anything. I gave my best, I trusted and I loved unconditionally.

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POST# 29

I saw this on facebook...

"Dadating yung araw na ikaw nalang yung madalas magttext. Dadating yung araw na yung mga pagkahaba habang reply niya sayo, ngayon hindi na umaabot ng 3 words. Malay mo isang araw, hindi na siya singsweet nung dati. Yung 10x na pagi-iloveyou niya sayo sa isang araw ngayon isang beses na lang, minsan nga hindi na. Yung pagaalala niya na, “Kumain ka na ba?” o kaya naman, “Okay ka lang ba?” Malay mo isang araw, hindi ka na niya tatanungin nun. Hindi na siya yung nakilala mo noon na sobrang caring at sobrang bait. Yung tao na nasasandalan mo, dahil madalas, puro away nalang kayo. Dadating yung araw na hindi niyo na gagawin yung mga bonding niyo noon kasi tinatamad daw siya. Yun bang, dumadating na sa puntong ikaw nalang yung umiintindi, ikaw nalang yung nage-effort, ikaw nalang yung umaako ng lahat. Dumadating sa puntong ikaw nalang yung nagmamahal. Pilit kang kumakapit, habang siya, bumibitaw na."

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POST #28

Final exams are over,I'm so nervous about the results. I'm really praying that all will be well. It's been so hard for me to focus and study especially during this time when I'm so depress.

SO,right now I'm so eager to see him in person. To see how really is he. Is he really ok without me?..I guess YES :( I cant ignore him no matter how angry I am to him. I can't do the things he has been doing to these past few months...TO TOTALLY IGNORE ME(yeah,it hurts a lot). I know I'm suplada sometimes but just because I'm just shy to that person or I didn't notice him/her but to intentionally ignore a person especially when you shared so much or you've been close to each other for quite sometime that is so unreasonable. I don't really understand how can he do that. Maybe he's a professional :)yea like guys who are kinda mean but hell no for you to totally ignore me!I think I need to be mean too hehe How can you ignore someone you promise almost everything? NOW, I don't know if those promises were really lies and were just used to set me on a trap to fall for him. WHY OH WHY? why guys keep hurting girls?

please don't say promises you cant keep, you'll end up hurting someone in the end <3

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