POST #26

hi everyone, i'm back :)

My blog is now public again. The first two months had been rough for me and I dont have control over it. I think this year will be the saddest year for me. I dont want to dwell to much on things that will only hurt me but I cant help but just get hurt by the thought. For now,I have this difficulty of trusting especially guys. I hate promises, they're really meant to be broken. first I thought the whole thing was real.I fall in and after just a few months I fall out. TRUST. I dont know if I can trust sweet and promising words again. I hate how someone can tell you everything that just came out of their mouth without even thinking of reality. I always ask myself if "i'm not really that good?". Maybe I', not because if I'm enough for him he wont let me go. I think I'm just the one whose really hurt with this whole thing because I dont really know how true is he now that he broke every promise he told me. Before I met him, I was this girl who always think that every person can be trusted but now, I dont know. I always told my friends that If only I can have selective amnesia then it would be great. I really want to ask him if his tears before were real or just because I'm crying that time. How can he ignore me like I'm just a nobody to him. I think I'm in a trauma. When we're just beginning, my friends told me to be careful because we're opposites but instead of following my mind,I still follow my heart and trust him. I wouldn't be like this if you didn't promise me anything but those were just words written in the air and they're gone together with you. Now I know that there are really people who can fake things. For  now, I'm trying to be positive with things. I know there's reason why we're apart now. I hope next time I fall in, that someone will never leave me. I will make sure that every thing will be ok. I still love him and that's for sure and I want him back. I dont know how long but i dont want someone to replace his place in my heart. If there will be someone who will replace my place in his,it will really hurt me but that's it, I just need to accept everything.